I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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