Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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