he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize