i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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