even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize