i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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