she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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