I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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