I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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