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he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
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