what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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