I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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