i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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