everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He? As in you personified your dick?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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