You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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