I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We need to get me chipped asap
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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