She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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