i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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