Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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