Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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