good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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