Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize