I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize