Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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