Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
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If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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