come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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