Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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