we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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