Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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