Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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