I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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