you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize