It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's like iHOP with fire
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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