the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize