what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
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This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Someone came in the potted fern
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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