Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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