I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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