Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window

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(847): as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window http://tfl.nu/5gk2

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream

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(203): Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream http://tfl.nu/mtat

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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.

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(913): I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America. http://tfl.nu/aex4

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(816): View more from Missouri

this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..

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(816): this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live.. http://tfl.nu/uh98

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(217): View more from Illinois

you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

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(217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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(603): Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now? http://tfl.nu/rq4w

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.

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(859): I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana. http://tfl.nu/vvio

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(601): View more from Mississippi

We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.

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(601): We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level. http://tfl.nu/1en2

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(260): View more from Indiana

He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.

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(260): He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis. http://tfl.nu/w515

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(734): View more from Michigan

I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.

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(734): I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW. http://tfl.nu/ynr9

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"

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(+44): If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine" http://tfl.nu/ib5o

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.

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(416): I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined. http://tfl.nu/slim

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family

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(780): Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family http://tfl.nu/lw7x

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(253): View more from Washington

Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know

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(253): Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know http://tfl.nu/qmd3

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(773): View more from Illinois

You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.

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(773): You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms. http://tfl.nu/8prv

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