my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
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You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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