So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize