If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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