The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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