god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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