so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize