Jerry, you need to find god
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
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My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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