I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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