Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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