well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
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I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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