I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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