Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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